More Connection and Less Cringe: 10 Better Questions Than How Are you?

Pre-P.S. You’re reading day four of my 32 days of insights, inspiration, and instigation. (Very informal title). Get the full scoop here . ✨


“What’s…” I quickly stopped my thumbs from typing the rest of the sentence.

I was about to ask, “What’s up?” before remembering I’m an adult with a much larger vocabulary.

Not to mention, if something were up, she’d have texted me in detail (with plenty of emojis included). 

It’s easy to default to social scripts like “How are you?” and “What’s up?” when we’re seeking connection instead of going deeper from the get go.

Social scripts are expected phrases we’ve become wired to use without consciously thinking about them. 

But they rarely lead to the depth of connection we want.

“How are you?”

“What’s up?”

“What’s going on?”

“How’s your day/week/month?”

These phrases are more boring than watching a game of golf.

Our answers are just as dull as the question.

“I’m fine.”

“Nothing much.”

“It’s going well.”

“Good. How are you?”

Greeattttt, I’m so glad we understand each other now.

When we swim in a sea of niceties and surface-level conversations, we don’t communicate much more than, “I’m a human who knows how I’m ‘supposed to’ operate in this social situation right now. Want to give me a gold star?” 

And at that point, why bother saying them at all? 

The good news is we always have a choice to be more aware of how we’re communicating. 

When we go with the default mode, we become lazier communicators. 

Instead, we can design our conversations. 

When we do, we go from dull conversationalist to curious connector, creating more space for authentic connection.


Connection is rooted in curiosity. How can you embody curiosity this week?


I’m a massive fan of small pivots because the small things done routinely lead to lasting transformation. Here are ten examples of pivoting from “How are you?” to more curiosity-filled questions.

10 More Interesting Questions Than “How are you?”

  1. What’s lighting you up these days?
  2. How have you been feeling physically lately?
  3. What have you been learning about recently?
  4. How are you sleeping? (This one may be my favorite. It can reveal so much in so little time). 
  5. How’s your heart?
  6. Is there anything you need to be heard on?
  7. What song is summing up your week?
  8. What are you looking forward to today/right now?
  9. How’s your mindset this week?
  10. What’s going well for you right now?

Which one is your favorite? Are you willing to whip it out in conversation this week?


Today’s invitation is to start a conversation with me. I’m asking you one of these ten questions above and made it super easy to shoot me a video, audio message, or text back. 

🔗 Can’t see the video? Click here.

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Alyssa Kulesa

Alyssa Kulesa

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