How are your unconscious communication patterns actually impacting your relationships?


Unconscious communication patterns might be keeping you from authentic connection.

Your unconscious communication patterns might be keeping you from experiencing the most authentic version of yourself and others.


You’re in touch with your wants and needs most of the time, and know the power of setting boundaries, but sometimes you slip into old habits of people pleasing, controlling, or being too rigid/porous with your boundaries.

You may find yourself: 

  • Having a hard time deciphering what a reasonable boundary would be
  • Fearful of sharing your innermost thoughts
  • Judging yourself or overthinking how you responded to a situation
  • Taking conflict personally more often than you’d like to admit
  • Battling the emotional rollercoaster that is your automatic response versus your intended response

It may be natural for you to respond out of fear and try to protect yourself in conversations (even though you know there’s likely a better way).

We develop all sorts of unconscious communication patterns to help us survive and adapt to our environment. But that doesn’t mean those are still serving us.

When our unconscious communication patterns sneak in, our relationships suffer. 

You might be finding:

  • Despite your best intentions, it’s challenging to validate the other person’s needs as often as you’d like
  • Intimacy is lacking, even though you’re craving more of it
  • Conflict to be less scary, but still not as connecting as you’d like
  • That you’re still holding back pieces of yourself

We’re not taught effective communication skills in school (or by our parents). 

As a result, you’ve been left to figure out how to set boundaries, handle conflict with care, listen well, and advocate for your wants and needs on your own.

There’s good news though, when you become aware of the specific unconscious patterns popping up in your relationships and improve your communication skills in that area, you can drastically improve your relationships.

These are three of the most common unconscious communication patterns that prevent authentic connection in relationships:

  1. Not allowing and recognizing that all of your needs are valid
  2. Your boundaries are too rigid or too porous
  3. Not honoring that the other person’s needs are valid

What you can do right now:

To help you develop communication that’s clearer than a Banff lake, remember that you view the world differently than everyone else. We all have different experiences that lead to how we understand the world. When you remember that someone else is reacting based on their past experiences, you’ll take everything less personally and be able to have more compassion in conversations. And when that happens, navigating relationships becomes significantly easier!

And here’s a quick tip to help you turn conflict into an opportunity for connection:

Remember this…Conflict is an unmet need poorly expressed. So when conflict comes up, remember to get curious and ask yourself, “What is this reminding me of from my past?” and consider asking the other person, “What happened to you that’s leading to this reaction?” 

Opening the door for needs to be met, helps your conversations and relationships flow more smoothly!

If you want to explore and transform your specific unconscious patterns wreaking havoc on your relationship, book a free 15-minute call with me. We’ll go over your results, and I’ll give you suggestions to start shaking things up right away.

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