Learning to say what you want

Alyssa sitting on a fence

Which is easier for you? Saying what you don’t want or saying what you want?

If you’re like most people I know, saying what you want is infinitely harder than saying what you don’t want.

Case in point, when your significant other asks, “What do you want for lunch?” Do you say, “I don’t know” and then wait for a list to choose from or do you say, “Let’s go get Thai food.”

In general, saying what you don’t want is easier than saying what you want because “I don’t want” is a direct answer to one thing instead of picking from limitless options of what you could want.

But going around saying everything you don’t want isn’t doing anything to help yourself (or your significant other who just wants help picking where to go to lunch).

When you go around clearly articulating everything you don’t want, you’re giving all your focus and power to those things. You’re being specific in the wrong direction.

>>Focusing on what you don’t want doesn’t help the universe (who is on your side by the way), bring you a fat dose of what you DO want.

Except knowing what you want, especially when you’re so used to putting other people first, is d.i.f.f.i.c.u.l.t. I know. AND… I also know that you having wants, dreams, and desires ISN’T SELFISH.

Your wants are just as important as everyone else’s you find time to prioritize. ❕

It’s time to unleash your juiciest, dreamiest wants.

I believe deep, deep, deeeeeeep down you know exactly what you want. You’ve just practiced people-pleasing for so long, that your “I want” muscle hasn’t been flexed in a reallyyyyy long time.

So, here’s how to start flexing that beauty again…

Whenever you hear yourself saying, I don’t want to…(insert thing you don’t want to do), flip it on its head and ask yourself, “what do I want instead?”

I don’t want Mexican food ➡️I want Thai instead.

I don’t want to work here anymore ➡️I want to work somewhere where I feel challenged and can be creative.

I don’t want to feel like this anymore ➡️I want to wake up with something to look forward to on my calendar every day.

That little word, “instead” is where the magic is. You don’t have to know exactly what you want for all of eternity, you just have to know a small piece of what you want *instead.*

I’ve been using this for the past few weeks and I’ve already felt a difference. It’s becoming easier and easier to say what I want, without all the panic, from the get-go.

A little note for my fellow recovering over-thinkers…

Don’t worry about how it’s going to happen just yet. This isn’t the time to draw on the part of yourself that loves to overthink. Give her a name (mine’s “In her head Hayden”), and tell her she’s not needed right now. When we overthink before we articulate what we want, what we want morphs into something that feels safe, instead of something that could absolutely be possible.

Try it out today. I believe in the power of this and in you. What you want is important. This life is yours to shape however you like.

With so much love,

xx, Alyssa

P.S. I want us to help keep each other accountable. 👯‍♀️Think of something you know you don’t want, ask yourself, “What do I want instead?” and then drop it in the comments and let me (and thereby the universe) know what it is.


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Alyssa Kulesa

Alyssa Kulesa

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