straight from my notebook

Below you’ll see words that demanded to fly out of my fingertips after journaling this morning, so I thought I’d share them with you today. Imperfections likely present. (Not so ironically, these words came freely after I did some work on healing my inner-perfectionist).

Often, the root work we need to do is put in front of us. But if we’re not willing to do the work, if it’s uncomfortable or we don’t see why it’s important, then we don’t do it.

We end up with a vault of information that we’ve absorbed but haven’t implemented. And we increasingly become more and more like a saturated sponge.

I’ve been guilty of this. Downloading a PDF only to ignore all of the questions in it. Thinking, “oh I already know this.” Buying a course and listening to the lectures or modules, but not actually doing the suggested homework.

In that moment we have a choice. We can blame the person we looked to to give us the answer. Or we can look at ourselves.

We can judge ourselves for still being in the same spot or we can have compassion and recognize that there’s possibly a part of ourselves that doesn’t want us to stop playing small and be seen because we may face rejection.

That part of us is terrified of anything that may expose its ways.

When you work with a coach, you have to take the coaching. One of my mentors, Karl, says this all the time, “take the coaching, Alyssa.”

It’s a decision I have to make. He can’t make me do it.

Similarly, I can’t force clients into taking the coaching—as much as I wish I could sometimes.

If you’re not ready to take the coaching, we will not work well together.

Taking the coaching means committing to go all in no matter what it takes. Even if it doesn’t make sense yet, even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially, when it’s uncomfortable. There’s always a buildup before a breakthrough.

When I was in therapy for OCD, my therapist told me to rub a shoe I had worn in downtown Austin the day before, all over my face, my pillow, and the plate I would later eat off of. And then to make the matter all the more uncomfortable he asked me to rub the shoe on the plate my boyfriend at the time was going to eat off of, too.

Following through on that task was excruciating for me. But I did it. And it changed my life.

As painful as it was, I took the coaching.

If I hadn’t, I would have known *intellectually* that the exposure helps break the cycle of obsessive and compulsive thoughts, but without actually being exposed and doing it, I would have remain stuck in the same endless cycle of panic.

There’s a difference between intellectually knowing something and experientially knowing it.

How many times do you pick up a book and skip all of the suggested exercises?

I’ve done this too (a lot). 🙋🏼‍♀️

I’m all for the efficiency of skipping over what you don’t need, but sometimes a part of us that doesn’t want us to grow sabotages us and says, “you don’t need that.” When really, it’s exactly what you need.

If you’re working with a coach and not taking the coaching, you’re doing yourself and them a disservice.

Your coach doesn’t make your goals happen for you. They’re not a superhuman with the exact answers you’re looking for. And if you’re making it their job to convince you every call that what they’re suggesting is actually of use, are you really allowing yourself to expand and be coached? Or is the part of you that is trying to protect you really the one coaching you in disguise?

You hire a coach to see things you can’t see. But if you’re only willing to do what you understand, are you actually committing to the process of transformation and expansion?

Expansive understanding comes from doing, playing, discovering.

The answers you’re looking for are already inside you, but more often than not we have to be guided back to where they’re stored. They’re often buried underneath years of programs put on us by others.

The point of coaching is to guide you back to yourself over and over so *you* can make your goals happen. So you can collect evidence of your true power hidden beneath layers of critics and stories you’ve been told your whole life.

But if there’s a part of you that really doesn’t want those goals to happen because it’s afraid of how big you may become, then it’s going to sabotage you and probably lead to you hating your coach. Because them pushing you to that place seems like a direct threat to the part of you that’s trying to protect you.

Our inner critics are strong forces but they don’t have to be our leading voices.

If you’re ready to unleash your magic, transform your thinking, and shed the programs and habits no longer serving you so you can shine…

And if you’re ready to take the coaching…

I’m putting my tools for transformation into a LIVE virtual transformational experience March 25th and 26th. Details dropping next week but if you want to be there first to know and get a discount in the process, get on the waitlist here.

More of your true self, more fun, and more joy awaits.


P.S. I’m reading an amazing book on healing our inner critics. If you want the name of it, comment below and I’ll send you the title and share some insights it’s given me this week.

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Alyssa Kulesa

Alyssa Kulesa

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