Ahh! Your conversations have a tendency to get overrun by not-so-helpful communication patterns causing you more pain than necessary in your relationships.

You may find yourself: 

• Feeling misunderstood more often than you’d like
• Confused why you’re not getting what you want more frequently
• Feeling like your boundaries are being violated routinely
• Shying away from being completely honest because it feels safer to hide what’s really happening in your head
• Feeling like there’s a hamster in your mind spinning a wheel that could power an entire city
• Avoiding talking about how you really feel

It may be natural for you to default to people pleasing and shying away from conflict. Or, it may be natural for you to shut down tough conversations right away, so that you don’t have to be vulnerable.

We develop all sorts of unconscious communication patterns to help us survive and adapt to our environment. But that doesn’t mean those are still serving us.

When our unconscious communication patterns run the show, our relationships suffer. 

You might be finding:

• You’re having more superficial conversations than you’d like
• Intimacy is lacking, even though you’re craving more of it
• Conflict takes a long time to sort through and is disconnecting
• Talking about emotions sounds worse than cleaning a toilet

We’re not taught effective communication skills in school.

As a result, you’ve been left to figure out how to set boundaries, handle conflict with care, listen well, and advocate for your wants and needs on your own.

There’s good news though, when you become aware of the specific unconscious patterns popping up in your relationship and improve your communication skills in that area, you can drastically improve your relationships.

These are the three most common unconscious communication patterns that run the show and lead to dysfunction in relatonships:

1. Not articulating wants and needs
2. Avoiding setting boundaries 
3. Placing blame instead of exploring what’s coming up for us

What you can do right now:

1. To help you develop communication that’s clearer than a Banff lake, practice getting in touch with what you want and advocating for your wants and needs. 

2. Remember this…conflict is an unmet need poorly expressed. So when conflict comes up, ask yourself, “What’s my underlying need here?” and consider asking the other person, “Do you have a specific need right now?” 

Opening the door for needs to be met, helps conversations flow more smoothly!

If you want to explore and transform your specific unconscious patterns wreaking havoc on your relationship, book a free 15-minute call with me. We’ll go over your results, and I’ll give you suggestions to start shaking things up right away.