How are your unconscious communication patterns actually impacting your relationships?


You’ve really worked to bring your unconscious communication patterns to light.

Your unconscious communication patterns might pop up from time to time, but you’re usually able to spot what’s happening and course correct before chaos commences.


You’re in touch with your wants and needs most of the time, and know the power of setting boundaries, but sometimes you slip into old habits of people pleasing, controlling, or being too rigid/porous with your boundaries.

You may find yourself: 

  • Getting better and better at being able to separate your emotions from the situation
  • Responding instead of reacting
  • Having clarity about your wants and needs
  • Feeling connection amidst conflict
  • Allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions with little judgement

It’s natural for you to leave people feeling seen, heard, and accepted after interacting with you. However, you may have new triggers pop up that catch you off guard and throw you back into old conversational habits from time to time.

We develop all sorts of unconscious communication patterns to help us survive and adapt to our environment. You’re aware of many of your patterns, but may still have some lingering that aren’t serving you. At this level, they likely surround how you handle the emotions of others and how you listen more than how you express yourself.

When our unconscious communication patterns make an appearance, our relationships suffer. 

You might be finding:

  • Yourself having an outsized reaction when an old wound is triggered
  • Intimacy is lacking, even though you’re craving more of it
  • Conflict to be less scary, but still not as connecting as you’d like
  • That you’re still holding back pieces of yourself

We’re not taught effective communication skills in school (or by our parents). 

As a result, you’ve been left to figure out how to set boundaries, handle conflict with care, listen well, and advocate for your wants and needs on your own (and you’ve done well)!

When you become even more aware of the specific unconscious patterns popping up in your relationships and improve your communication skills in that area, your relationships become even more fulfilling.

These are three of the most common unconscious communication patterns to keep an eye out for:

  1. Not allowing and recognizing that the other person’s needs are valid
  2. Not listening with presence
  3. Giving advice instead of asking questions

What you can do right now:

To help you keep your communication clearer than a Banff lake, practice compassion by remembering it may not be as easy for others to express themselves in the same way you can and be patient in conversations with them.

And here’s a quick tip to help you turn conflict into an opportunity for connection:

Remember this…Conflict is an unmet need poorly expressed. So when conflict comes up, remember to get curious and ask yourself, “What is this reminding me of from my past?” and consider asking the other person, “What happened to you that’s leading to this reaction?” 

Opening the door for needs to be met, helps your conversations and relationships flow more smoothly!

If you want to explore and transform your specific unconscious patterns operating outside of your awareness, book a free 15-minute call with me. We’ll go over your results, and I’ll give you suggestions to start shaking things up right away.

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